


Unexpected, But Not Unwanted

by Hoefflepuff



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:56:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2486984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoefflepuff/pseuds/Hoefflepuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily has left to continue her career in art, leaving Marshall alone and rather blue-balled. Marshall always has Ted and Barney though. He blames Barney for what happened...</p>
<p>It's M/M so don't like don't read etc. Have fun and make sure to clean up afterwards. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpected, But Not Unwanted

"I have gay dreams about my best friend"

The words span around in my head as I did aggressive push ups. Lily had left me to travel the world and focus on her art. I wanted to call her a bitch like Ted did but I couldn't. Don't get me wrong I wasn't still in love with her. She left me with nothing, well maybe she left the money and the wedding ring but she certainly left with a giant chunk of my heart. I suppose she also must have taken my ability to talk to women as well because I was not getting anything apart from weird looks and the cold shoulder.

This inevitably led me to my no sex routine of working out at every possible second and to be honest it was really paying off. Sure I wasn't getting any but I had a six pack for the first time in ten years and cloths that used to fit me were feeling tight over my muscles. Now I would have much preferred some nice hard fucking but it is nice to have an awesome body for once.

Strangely enough when remembering what it was like to be with Lily my mind always strayed back to that week when me and Barney pretended to be Holli to mess with Ted. My screwed up brain must be so fixed on sex but so against thinking about Lily that its gone back to the only other thing related to sex that's really happened to me.

Ted's fake gay dreams.

It might not have been real but I can't deny that my mind didn't wander occasionally to fucking Ted, even while I was with Lily I sometimes thought about it, mostly when she was out and I was alone. There was this one time where I jacked off to Ted while he was asleep on the couch next to me. Shit, he's hot when he's asleep.

I felt my groin stirring and blushed before remembering what position I was in. Barney was sitting cross-legged on my back as I pushed our combined weights up and down. He was currently listing the reasons why I should play a new game he invented called 'Have you met Marshal'.

"Reason 34: Porn gets boring, it's a fact-nay a law. The Bored Boner Law . After a certain amount of time porn, no matter how kinky, will get depressing. When first introduced to porn your small inexperienced mind is blown, boobs have been nought but a mirage on the desert of sexual frustration before now. But they're right there in front of you as though you can almost touch them. The only way to describe it is legen-no-need-to-wait-for-it-because-you-came-in-the-first-few-seconds-of-the-video-dary. As you grow older there'll be people who can help you release any pent up tension, girlfriends, hookers, wives (not necessarily your own)."

He patted me on the back as he said this. I could practically hear the grin on his face.  
"But alas my dear friend they do not last and you eventually return to porn. But then…"He stopped for dramatic effect, I rolled my eyes. ".. the unspeakable happens. Porn gets old. It begins with you ignoring the beginning of the video, the pizza man/repair man/neighbour/astronaut becomes irrelevant and you're right those were never really the interesting parts. But then the blow jobs and fingering doesn't even get you semi-hard and by then you're on a slippery slope, and I'm not talking about the good kind, you lose more and more interest in the fucking happening on screen until suddenly you start to think 'She probably has a father that loves her' then all of the allure of watching people fuck disappears for ever. Hey, Bro? Why'd you stopped?"

I had stopped half way through a push up. For all the things that Barney had to be right about why the fuck did it have to be this. Porn was the only thing getting me through my unwanted celibacy and for the last couple of weeks I hadn't been able to get hard and I had thought that exact thing the last time I watched it and I haven't been able to watch anything since.

I suddenly became aware of a hand slapping me in the face. I blinked twice before Barney's face swam into focus. Barney's face which was a few inches too close for comfort. I gasped and sat up barely missing head butting Barney in the face.  
"Dude? What happened?" he asked, an eyebrow arched elegantly, I found it strangely enticing as it wiggled up and down like an exotic snake.

I found myself studying each feature as they moved gracefully on his face, I ended up focussing on the rosy lips Barney sported. I realised that they were moving and a playful tongue was darting out occasionally. It took me a few seconds to notice this meant he was talking.

"- don't need to get all pissy about it."  
"Huh?" I said unintelligibly  
"I was just saying that you don't have to get all angry just because I'm trying to give some advice." He still hadn't moved further than four inches from my own face, I became painfully aware of the painful throb in my pants.

"Are you ok Bro? You seem sort of out of it." I blinked up at him "Bro?" he said, worry polluting his voice. I blame what happened next on the adorable look on Barney's face, yup, entirely his fault. I surged forward and caught his lower lip between mine, muffling any protests. Kissing Barney was strange. His lips were harder than a woman's, definitely harder than Lily's and Jenkins, but seemed to hold some sort of delicacy that made it feel like he would break at any second.

He would have pulled away if I hadn't instinctively wrapped my arms around him and buried my hands in his short locks. I tentatively swept my tongue across his lower lip and felt him melt in my arms. His lips opened like doors for our tongues to meet and slide together in a delicious orgy of taste and touch.

We explored each other's mouths desperately as our hands glided and slipped into every crevice of our bodies. I slid my hand down his spine, feeling him moan into mouth as I did so, and came to rest on the tight rump that was filling out Barney's suit pants perfectly. I squeezed it lightly. His groan filled our mouths, I gave off a similar sound that was drowned by our conjoined lips when Barney slid has hand across my abdomen.

I pulled away from the now thoroughly dishevelled Barney, his lips were red, his hair a mess and all I could think was: hot. I attacked his tanned neck with my mouth, tasting the skin there. The sweaty sheen he had produced had a tangy flavour that I could only imagine was pure unadulterated Barney.

He let out a sultry groan that should be illegalised as my lips marked his skin. I returned to his mouth as soon as I was sure that the blonde would have a large purple bruise to remember this experience. Our tongues met again, interlocking and twisting together. It was needy and messy. And, as Barney would say: legendary.

I felt his hands dip into the waistband of my loose work-out shorts and grasp at the globes of my ass. My dick twitched in response and I began to unbutton Barneys shirt, before impatience took over as he kneaded his hands on my ass and I ripped the shirt open, scattering buttons everywhere. I swallowed a squawk of indignation and silenced any further complaints with deep kiss that made him go slack jawed.

I yanked him closer to me so he was sitting on my crotch with his legs wrapped around my lower back as I sat on the rug. We simultaneously whimpered at the sensation of Barney's ass grinding on my thick manhood. He arched into me as I dotted kisses upon his bare chest, he gave a small intake of breath when I fixed my lips around one of his nipples and teased the other one with my hand. I slipped my other hand into the back of his trousers.

I chuckled against his hardened nipple, which made him gasp once more, as I felt no underwear beneath my hand.  
"Commando, seriously?" I murmured into his skin.  
"It's for…easy ac…cess" he answered between gasps as my fore finger pressed against his hole teasingly. He once again ground on my cock, riding it like you would a horse. I released a guttural moan and stood up, startling Barney who was still wrapped around my middle. I set him down on the couch and nudged his legs open so I could kneel between them easily.

I looked up at the glorious sight I had before me.

The normally pristinely dressed man was breathing heavily; his shirt was torn open and hung off his shoulders. I wasn't sure where his jacket had got to but I sure as hell wasn't going to ask now. His hair was worse than Ted's when he had a big date, my cock twitched a little at the thought of Ted. Barney's chest was littered with red marks and small bruises, his nipples were hard pebbles and his cheeks almost glowed red. I was sure that if I took a picture right now that Barney's impossible posing wouldn't work but he'd look hotter than in any other one of him ever.

I trailed my eyes up his smooth chest and up the column of his neck until my eyes met with the other man's baby blue ones. They were darkened with lust, as I was sure mine were. Without taking my own gaze from his I unbuttoned his pants and slowly dragged the zipper down, loving the way he squirmed as I did so. As soon as the zipper had reached its ending point Barney's hard on sprung into attention.

I pulled his pants down more to observe my delicious prize properly. The shaft was tanned like the rest of Barney's body, giving me the very pleasing image of him sunbathing naked. It was around eight inches long and two inches thick. His balls hung beneath his dick about the same size as walnuts. What was most surprising though was the lack of hair surrounding it.

I grasped the base of it and raised a quizzical eyebrow at Barney, whose eyes were half lidded and almost completely black with lust.  
"It makes it look bigger, not that I nuh-eed it" he grunted out as I tightened my grip slightly. I chuckled again at how sensitive he was to my touch. I began to methodically move my hand up and down the hard appendage, watching Barney's face as he let out curses and little moans of pleasure all the time I did so.

Pre-cum coated his cock rapidly as I sped up my movements and spread the sticky liquid over him. I turned my attention away from his flushed face and onto his other head, I leant forward and engulfed his cock. He expelled and earth shattering cry as I took almost all of him into my mouth and ran my tongue across the head. I once again tasted pure Barney upon my taste buds as he shook beneath my ministrations.

I trailed my fingers up his abdomen, allowing them to dance along the expanse as I sucked slow and hard on the member in my mouth releasing it with a small popping sound before I dived back around it with more vigour than before. All I could hear was the deep erotic sounds pouring from the blonde man's mouth that I was currently feasting on like his crotch was a thanksgiving turkey, the only interruptions being when Barney muttered phrases like "Fuck Marshall, you're so fucking hot".

My head bobbed up and down for what sounded like a very enjoyable five minutes before I went all the way to the very root before gradually sliding back up only to go straight down again until my nose was pressing into his sweaty skin. The man shuddered for a second before cum filled my mouth, I almost hadn't had enough time to pull back marginally as not to choke on the salty fluid. I swallowed the blonde's seed and thoroughly cleaned his dick before letting the softening manhood to drop from my mouth. I licked a bit of stray cum from my lips and looked at Barney's spent form.

"I want to fuck you" I said, with a sultry rasp I wasn't expecting to come from my voice box. Barney's baby-blues widened slightly before he nodded his consent.  
"Bro, if you're that good at the foreplay then I can't wait to see what you're packing" he said with the same old cocky arrogance that suited him best. I found myself grinning in return before slithering up his body from where I had been kneeling, I could feel his dick already re-stiffening against me as I rubbed against his exposed member.

There was still an air of neediness around us but it was more controlled, less wild. I pressed my lips against his lightly before thrusting my tongue into his mouth with the same amount of desperation I had at the beginning of our encounter.

I pressed my steel hard cock against his to remind the blonde that unlike him I hadn't had any release yet. He mewled as I rutted against him. He abruptly pushed me off him and into a standing position and yanked down my shorts and briefs at once, relessing my dick from its cotton prison and smack me in the navel.

I heard a low whistle from Barney  
"Fuck dude," he said, awe filling him "I was about to swallow your meat but... damn...They grow 'em big in Minnesota. How big are you?"  
"Thirteen inches and I'm not even the biggest in the family" I replied "You still want me to fuck you?"  
"Does this answer your question?" Barney breathed out before he grabbed the base of my cock and took the head straight into his mouth. The heat engulfed my cock as the man took in more and more of me.

The awesome pleasure Barney was supplying exploded through the nerve endings in my head. I closed my eyes at the intensity of it before opening them to witness the sight of one of my best friends on his knees in front of me stuffing as much of my dick as possible into his mouth. Before I knew what I was doing I had clasped my hand around his neck and pushed his face further onto my dick. I heard him choke slightly and pulled his head off my dick for a second so he could get some air before pushing him right back onto my engorged head.

I watched myself face fuck my friend for a blissful while before I pulled him to his feet and kissed him, tasting myself on his tongue. Still kissing, intrigued by my own taste, I clumsily navigated us to the bedroom before kicking the door shut behind us. He stopped me before we tumbled back onto the bed and yanked my t-shirt that I was still wearing over my head.

I raised my arms up obligingly for Barney to pull it over my head only for the t-shirt to come half way up before stopping, covering my face. I heard an intake of breath.  
"Jesus, Marshal, when the fuck did you get a body like this?" I felt him run his hands over my pecs and six pack. I pulled the t-shirt the rest of the way over my head and shrugged before I kissed him deeply as he continued to caress my muscles.

I pushed him backwards onto the bed and a second later I leapt on top of him and straddled his hips. I leant down and captured his lips in an aggressive kiss. While our mouths fought against each other I reached into the draw of the dresser next to my bed and grabbed the bottle of lube that resided there.  
"You don't have an STD do you?" I asked as I laid open mouthed kisses along his jaw. He gave me a look before saying  
"You do know I don't just pick up any old skank I find and anyway I get a check-up once a month. If you're worried about that just use a condom"  
"Just checking" I said apologetically before adding "I sort of threw away all my condoms and declared I would be celibate after my twentieth strike out" I smiled sheepishly against his skin as I worked my way down his body, littering kisses across his stomach.  
"So was I just too tempting for Marshal the Monk to resist?" he said breathlessly, with a teasing grin on his face as my teeth grazed the tanned hide of his hip. I blew air onto his cock as I passed over it.

He breathed in sharply.

I spread his legs apart and raised them, revealing my target, his tight bare ass. His hole was soft pink against his bronze tan. I placed a few pecks on his rump before I was hovering just inches away from Barney's opening; I let out a rush of air which set the blonde mewling and begging under his breath. I abruptly shoved my tongue into the pink hole, wriggling the muscle inside the round ass, looking for that one spot which would make him scream. Barney suddenly gave a cry of pleasure, ah there it is.

I caressed it with my tongue causing more cries from the blonde. After a few minutes I retracted my tongue from his ass and kneeled between his legs. I slipped his legs onto rest my shoulders allowing as Barney put it ' easy access. I held my cock in my palm and covered it in lube before I guided it into Barney's tight hole. We both let out a moan of pleasure as my dick stretched him.

It took me only moments to be fully seated in Barney. Balls deep in Barney was an experience I had no intention of giving up. Not even if Lily walked in right now and asked me on her hands and knees to take me back. I waited for Barney's go ahead and let out a yell of pleasure when he clenched his ring of muscles around my impressive girth.

I started out a rhythm, pumping and out of Barney as he writhed in pleasure beneath me. I grasped his cock in my hand and jacked it as I thrust in and out of his tight opening. I leaned down and caught his lips in mine once more. We kept the kiss going as I fucked him, I pulled out to almost the end of my manhood only to slam back into the delicious heat.

The grunts and groans of satisfaction reverberated through our mouths and into each other's bodies, heightening the joint pleasure. I sped up my fucking and wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into sitting position on my cock. He bounced up and down on my meat. Our harmonised cries got louder and louder until, with a strangled yell, I came deep inside Barney.

As my dick emptied its contents into Barneys his cock twitched violently and thick ropes of white fluid spurted out onto our chests and abs. I lazily licked some of the sticky substance off Barneys neck as we basked in the afterglow. I supported his weight as he slumped against me, spent, my semi hard dick still deep inside him.

"So, up for round two" I purred into his ear.

 

So ya, review if you want :D


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